 Posted: Sat Sep 08, 2007 14:47
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froz posts:
Hello all. This is actually the first forum I am posting on I believe. I have been using computers most of my life but never really got into "forums" before. I preferred text chat rooms etc. So, I hope I am doing this correctly. Anyway, I hope my post isn't too long…
I have been 'studying' the Elias material since 2002. I have been doing this "silently" for the most part, and have never talked to him directly in any sessions. I have decided to come out of my cave now and see what happens. I want to share with you all a powerful experience that happened to me earlier this year. Here's my story…
On the evening of May 27, 2007 something incredible happened. My "spiritual journey" which started in August of 2001 came to a massive shift. I was watching a video on youtube by Christine Breese. She was mentioning the usual concepts that I had studied for years through various "teachers" and sources, however, her approach was from a slightly different angle. Then suddenly, it all began to click, like a massive jigsaw. Within perhaps seconds I had a taste of who I really was. I found the real me, consciousness, God, awareness, all that is, whatever other names it goes by. The "me" that was the body began to drop away and die. Wants and pursuits that I had been following for years began to drop off like flies dying mid-flight. My desire for wealth, a new car, learning a new language. All those things I had been pursuing and wanting, suddenly became totally unimportant. The way my physical body looked became totally irrelevant. My arm could have dropped off at that moment and it would have been ok. I could have been rotting in prison, or living in a mansion, or homeless, or on the way to the moon, and it would not have mattered ONE BIT. I was there, in the moment, as eternal consciousness, and I knew there was no where else that I needed to go. Old fears, like a fear of death, suddenly dropped away from me. I was, in effect, DEAD, but still alive. I was not ME, the body I had known for years. I was not Paul, a 24 year old male from Brisbane, Australia anymore, I was all of it, consciousness, occupying a space outside this dimension. At the same time I was still the body I had known, but I was also NOT the body I had known. Both were true at the time, very illogical for the normal mind to grasp.
It was like I fell into the moment, and time stopped. What was going to happen tomorrow disappeared. The past vanished too. All that existed was now. I knew then, that this was what I was after for many years. All those strange words, Awakening, Enlightenment, The remembrance, Higher self, God self, suddenly I knew what they REALLY meant. The bliss I felt was phenomenal. It did not compare to anything else I have ever experienced. It was total freedom, peace, knowing, love. I had access to all knowledge, and I saw this reality as a massive illusion, yet real in its own little way.
It is now June 4, 2007 as I write this. My experience lasted perhaps several days, having a few peaks and downs. Time became irrelevant however and I lost track of it quickly. There is a massive confusion at the moment. A kind of sadness, because I realise that I will never be the same again. It is like the old person I was, in an instant, dropped away and died. And I return with a completely new awareness. I want to regain that awakened state again, however there is some fears of how others will perceive me etc. But during the experience, there was none of those fears, no fear was present. My physical body could have been about to be killed in an execution and it would have been ok because the *I* that I had become was NOT the *I* that was associated with the body. Therefore there was no fear of the body dying because there was nothing to be killed. Just another life in a Physical computer game. But you can always start a "new game".
I was outside of that system, watching it from a distance, yet at the same time I WAS the body. There are no words that can describe this with ANY accuracy. The only people that can trully understand what I am describing are ones that have had the experience themselves… and they will know who they are. Because I am attempting to describe something that exists outside of this system of language. It has no words…
After doing some googling, I have come to realise that there are many other people who have had this experience. This has taken some of the fear away for now. I don't know what this means anymore for my life. All those physical pursuits I longed for, have dropped away. During my experience I understood that everything was ok, every experience I had ever had was OK, every experience I may have will be OK. The only desire now is to return to this "awakened state". I am borderline at the moment I think… It is a matter of stopping all projection of thought outside of the NOW, and in a way dropping into it. This is where this YOU I talk about resides. It is not a different entity. When you read these, words, that part of you is also reading them. My obstacle I think, all these years, was DIVIDING it up, into a seperate entity, which it is not.
You are now as dead or alive as you will ever be. The best analogy I have come up with for the moment, is, imagine YOU are sitting at a computer, playing a 3D video game, where you control a character that looks like <insert your name/age/gender>. You have become SO FOCUSED on the game, that suddenly you feel as though you ARE the character. And as you walk around the game (earth), you begin to fear things like death etc. You follow rules and laws in the game. ETC ETC. Whatever happens in your life. What I became aware of was the OTHER ME, which is ME, it contains the character in the game… I realised that it was just an "illusion" that I was playing in temporarily. So it did not matter if I died in this game or anything else happened in this game, because *I* the real I was still OK, eternally. The WHOLE *I* was OUTSIDE this system or dimension. Outside TIME and SPACE. The body that I had known for years as ME was only a small part of the WHOLE ME. It was WITHIN the WHOLE ME.
One last note. The day before this all happened, I had a tsunami dream where a huge wave swept over me, but I was ok. When I woke from this dream I knew something "big" was going to happen. Waves usually mean change for me. Anyway, later that day I became EXTREMELY stressed. I could not relax, and I do not know what was causing this. It got to the point where I started to punch my bed mattress (had to find something quickly that I wouldn't damage) to the point of exhaustion… It was not from anger or rage but the stress was so intense that I needed some kind of "release". I am usually able to control such things and rarely do I get so stressed without any obvious reasons. I ended up having to borrow money from someone and get drunk… I have stopped drinking almost completely in recent months, but this strange stress on this day was amazingly overpowering. I think this was the "anticipation" of my "awakening" starting to come through in some form… HOWEVER, when the experience begun I was completely sober and drug-free. It was the next evening, 24 hours after my last drinks.
Additional notes:
June 22, 2007.
It has now been almost a month since my experience. I have somewhat slipped back into the "human mind" - however, I know I will return to the awareness I had again. Everything is becoming clearer and clearer. Time is a funny thing. During my awakening experience I was *outside* of time, and yet, in it at the same time. The experience lasted perhaps 3 or 4 calendar days, but it FELT like both an INSTANT and an ETERNITY. Both were true. It went for an amazingly long time, yet from another angle it was instant. I have come to learn that time is HIGHLY bendable. The number of thoughts you have racing in your head and where they are directed (future/past etc) determines this. For example, you leave work at 5pm. Your attention automatically jumps to when you arrive at home and have dinner or a beer. So you board a train and you're thinking constantly about that moment that you get home (let's say it will be 6pm when you get home). So you're on the train… 5:10pm projecting futurely and this generates the thoughts about 6pm… 5:20pm thinking about 6pm… 5:30pm thinking about 6pm. DURING the train ride, because you are focusing on getting home, this train ride seems to be taking forever. BUT at the same time, when 6pm finally comes, and you look back at your train ride, you will remember very little of it, because during the train ride, your mind was NOT in the *now* and *present* space, and so, when you recall the train ride, it will seem like it was instant because you lack memories of the moments you spent on the train.
Another thing. During my experience, my "third eye" became very active. I had a constant sensation of it between my eyebrows. When I was walking down a busy city street, my vision was remarkable. When normally you can only focus on one object at a time, I was able to focus on hundreds at the same time. If I was walking in a crowd of people, I was able to focus on EACH person at the SAME TIME (very hard to imagine I know…). So I was seeing EVERYTHING going on around me. The amount of information input was tremendous. I could also *sense* what each person's "reality" was like. What thoughts they might be having, I could see them responding to their fears etc. As I walked, it was as if I was invisible. No one would look me in the eye UNLESS I intended for it to happen. If I saw someone interesting, I could consciously will to "connect" with them "energy" wise and when this happened, they would look at me.
I actually started a new job during this whole experience. It was very strange going into the office for the first time. I could sense everything. I could "detach" from the body and "watch" as my body worked. It got to the point where I was literally WATCHING a body talking and working, as if it was someone else. It was saying all the right things, asking questions about the job. But it was not ME anymore. The *I* was in another space…I could "get involved" in what the body was doing, and direct it like that, or i could "detach" from it, and let the body work on its own and I was "free" in another space…….. quite difficult to put into words……And an 8 hour working day, could pass in an instant…. because as my "thoughts" stopped, as I remained in the now, the perception of time completely changed… And because I no longer was in control so to speak, my thought process was no longer going "now do this, put it here, type this up, ask this question, print this" - that thought process was not occuring anymore. Those things were still HAPPENING, i was still typing that, asking this question, printing that page, but without the need to get involved in it all. It was like watching a movie of someone at work. You simply have to trust that you will ask the right questions, do the right things, respond the right way. I was trusting this completely at that moment, and so there was no need for thought processes to be generated. It all just happened perfectly, without my "conscious control"……
………
Anyway, HOPE that wasn't too long. I could literally write a book about this experience… I am wondering if anyone else on this forum has had anything like this happen to them? When I was in this state I had access to just about everything. I knew what elias was trying to say in every session. I pretty much had "access" to his "knowledge" at my fingertips. Any topic, I could see right through it all. Anyone's problem, etc, I could see what they were doing. NOW though, I am "back" to my "old self" it seems. And it has been a rather frustrating few months for me since May/June…
Anyway, this is what Elias speaks of when mentioning to "rememberance" - basically I think what happened to me was I was "somewhat fully shifted" for a brief period in May/June. But somehow I have "lost" that awareness again. It happened to me completely spontaneously, but I think the energy of Christine Breese in the youtube video I was watching at the time somehow "assisted" me. When I fell into that "enlightened" state, it was as if myself and Christine were the same individual. I could sense her in me completely. We have never "objectively" spoken but somehow I knew she knew me etc….
One more note about the experience. What basically happened was all belief systems seemed to drop. I saw absolutely no difference between a gun and a flower. All the judgements of "this is bad" or "this is nice" dropped away. So I could have been looking at a horrific war scene where people were dying, or looking at something beautiful and it would not have affected me in any manner. This is not to say that I was not AWARE of the differences. I knew that the mass beliefs would say this is bad, this is good etc. But those no longer affected me. It was like seeing reality from Elias' point of view… absolutely beautiful.
OK I am done for now! Thanks for reading! Hope it helps! I don't know what has motivated this post. I guess I am a bit "lonely" as I am surrounded with people who are absolutely asleep, and if I mentioned any of this to them they would not understand and send me to a shrink to get "fixed" hahahah!
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Posted: Sun Sep 09, 2007 8:20
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Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 21:08
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Bill Marshall posts:
Hi Paul,
I just read your experience. I had a similar, but very short version of it about 8 years ago. In reading yours it almost sound as though you experienced yourself as essence as a reminder of who you really are. To me it doesn't sound like a fully shifted experience as it does that you connected with essence. For me, I never really tried to recapture that one experience but have recognized that it was a total affirmation of who I really am. It has helped me immensely in playing this particular game. I'm glad you've decided to check out blueflash. The folks here have helped me greatly hash out my own stuff. Welcome.
Bill
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Posted: Sat Sep 22, 2007 1:23
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KevinGrey posts:
Hi Paul. Welcome.
~Saturday, May 21, 2005
| Quote: | KEVIN: Ok. About ten years ago now I had quite the experience; what I often relate as my pivotal experience, where I had a sudden awareness of the inherent perfection of everything, was the only way I can truly explain it. It was persistent, for about two or three weeks I had the feeling. My…it was so…I mean there was an objective, there was an actual objective validation in it in that the people close to me would say that I glowed virtually, with the experience.
I take it this was a glimpse I allowed myself basically of…our reality for lack of a better term, of us, that we are in our own perfection as it were?
ELIAS: And an experience of acceptance in a broad sense, not merely in relation to one subject. And also an experience that allowed you some evidence of the lack of separation and how interconnected all of you are, or all of consciousness is and that in that interconnectedness you are all generating experiences and all of those experiences regardless of what they are, regardless of whether they are comfortable or uncomfortable, or whether they are deemed to be good or bad, they are all experiences that generate value fulfillment and they are all experiences that expand consciousness, for they are all an exploration.
It is also an example to you, temporarily, of what I have been discussing with individuals recently of recognizing your own truths, your own beliefs, knowing that they are your own guidelines. Therefore, in a manner of speaking, they are right for you but they do not necessarily apply to other individuals and what their right guidelines are for them may be quite wrong for you. But in this, there is a knowing and a recognition: That regardless of whether another individual’s beliefs and truths are wrong, to you, they are not actually wrong for they are their guidelines and your guidelines are perhaps wrong, to them, but they are not wrong, to you, for they are your guidelines. This allows you to be more aware of you; that whether you agree with the other individual’s guidelines or not, you are holding to yours. Whether another individual generates an action that you disagree with or that you deem to be wrong, you are not generating the action; you are holding to your guidelines. It is not your responsibility to instruct the other individual in how they should experience within their focus; what is your responsibility is that you pay attention to you and allow yourself your greatest freedom and that you hold to your guidelines and know that whatever action or choice the other individual is engaging matters not, for you are not what is engaging it.
KEVIN: I became so desperate after that feeling faded to my awareness to try and regain it, to try and live in that understanding for lack of a better term. And I mean…that has been a ten-year quest for me that I have not yet realized.
ELIAS: But you can and in this the manner in which you accomplish that is in increments in the moment, in each moment in whatever choices are being expressed in every scenario in association with yourself and with other individuals. How can you accomplish that type of awareness and that experience again if your energy is scattered and if you are unaware of yourself and what your freedoms are and what your guidelines are?
The reason that you allowed yourself to generate that experience and accomplished that was not merely in perceiving outside of yourself but also being aware of yourself as part of that.
KEVIN: Part of the perfection.
ELIAS: Yes.
KEVIN: Oh yeah, that was the biggest thing that I missed after the feeling faded was you know, just the sense of, I mean, it was a “joy”, which doesn’t approach the right wording for it of course.
It’s…the joy without the need for joy. Is the best way I can say it.
ELIAS: Yes!
KEVIN: Because it just was.
ELIAS: A genuine expression of appreciation.
KEVIN: For everything. |
The initial description I gave him was purposefully vague. I think he knew that this was my "test" question, as-it-were. In that, I had felt a "resonance" with the Elias info from the start. Yet I was not fully convinced within myself that he was on the level, as-it-were. I specifically left out the "connection with everything" aspect of the experience, or lack of separation. Which he nevertheless clued into and was able to express about.
After what he had to say about my experience, I was pretty much sold that he was for real.
In any event, there were witnesses to my sudden realization, as I mentioned. My mother said at one point I was simply mumbling, over and over again: "Wheels within wheels, within wheels within wheels"
As with you, there was nothing I could experience at this point that was a negative. Nor really a positive in the sense I had come to associate with such previously. I view it now, as a positive experience, within my judgments. But at the time, there simply was no such distinction. Everything was exceedingly beautiful and I felt everything so deeply.
I remember my wife at the time becoming worried at one point, as I sat for two hours, staring at the rain drops running down a window. I was seeing them. I was also seeing so much more. Probably the best literary description I have run across was Anne Rice's description of "Vampire Vision". Becoming entranced by the array of colorful bottles on a counter in a drugstore, etc.
And this, simply because they lost all association they had previously. Prior to that, I would look and see "shampoo" for cleaning hair and "gel" for removing fungus, or whatever. Which, because of the associations, aren't particularly attractive, as-it-were. But freed from these associations (although, I was still keenly aware of such), they were beautiful gems of light and color.
I realize how much we blind ourselves, through such associations, to the beauty around us and the expectations we place upon things. Imagine now, standing before a shelf of toiletries and expressing how "beautiful" they are. The "odd looks", etc. And it was this type of "self-consciousness" (odd, that description) that was completely gone. The need to secure my identity in the face of other's potential perceptions, etc.
I just was. And the really illuminating thing about it is that people didn't react that way to me. Even though I was doing such "odd things" from a given perspective, people were drawn to me. Wanted to know what it was I saw. Were fascinated by what I was projecting. Thus, all feelings of "defense" or such worry of other's perceptions were gone as well.
In any case, as you've found, you are not the only one. I remember when I went to have my first session in Vermont, I got to talk to Lynda, who I believe is Sumafi/Vold, as I am. And she recounted a similar experience from several years ago now.
In any event, as I said, welcome. I look forward to speaking with you further.
Peace.
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Posted: Sat Mar 15, 2008 20:54
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Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 21:43
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derelic7 posts:
I know exactly what you're talking about, and how difficult it is to explain. Welcome aboard man!
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….or, maybe even start a thread in the Mini-Blogs forum?
. This is a BF-insider-joke 
